ALL NEW TECH SUPPORT CALLS

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 

The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." 

The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good 
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and 
his is working fine."

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Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."

Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."

Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

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Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for
me?"

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Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"

Tech Support: "Yeah."

Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"

Tech Support: "Uh...uh...yeah."

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Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."

Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a
Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." 

Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir I don't believe it 
was meant to--" 

Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in 
icons." 

Tech Support: "Well...why don'tyou click on the 'little picture' 
of a filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?" 

Customer: [click]

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Customer: "My computer crashed!"

Tech Support: "It crashed?"

Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

Customer: "No, it didn't crash--it crashed."

Tech Support: "Huh?"

Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."

Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" 

Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

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A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech
support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the
printer." On the phone the man said he even held the printer up in front
of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.

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Another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the
opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained
that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when
we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

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An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows
installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my 
home computer." (Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," 
so I let the little act of piracy slide.) 

Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" 

Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." 

Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" 

Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. 
Would you like to initialize it?'"

Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" 

Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be 
blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the 
A drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows 
disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

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In a computer programming class I sat directly across from someone, and
our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the
class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and
switched the inputs for the keyboards. 

She came back, started typing and immediately got a distressed look on 
her face. She called the tutor over and explained that no matter what she 
typed, nothing would happen. The tutor tried everything. By this time I 
was hiding behind my monitor and quaking, red-faced with silent laughter. 

I typed, "Leave me alone!" They both jumped back as this appeared on 
their screen. "What the..." the tutor said. I typed, "I said leave me 
alone!" 

The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all 
I could do to keep from laughing out loud. 

The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an
amazing five minutes. 

Me: "Don't touch me!" 

Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to hit your keys that hard." 

Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?" etc.

Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer, and fell out of my chair
laughing. 

After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet
red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

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